"I cannot stand to be idle and just hang around doing nothing when I retire". Those were his thoughts when he took Social Security early and formed a catering company. He liked the idea of being independent and not having to worry about recessions and job security.
A Short Look At The Past
Rolf had a horrible childhood as a result of having lived through the war. There are no good memories at all. The gradual improvement in his living condition during adolescence and the teens let him become part of the rapid recovery of Germany from the war. His family had been well off, he had all the freedom he wanted and had early sexual experiences that would shape his life. He set his goals high and would not let anything or anybody interfere with the path that he had planned for himself. His single minded approach to meeting his goals would lead to profound turmoil in Rolf's life over the next twenty-five years.
The first crisis of his life started just after his 20th birthday, when his plans to leave Germany for the US were the cause for the breakup of his relationship with a woman he deeply loved. That followed the breakdown of his relationship with his mother, who, along with his stepfather, was strongly opposed to his leaving. By the time he boarded the ship, Rolf was essentially depressed and not sure anymore of the direction his life was taking.
His arrival in the US in the midst of a recession and the height of the cold war soon put a damper on all the plans he had made. His inability to get going and have any type of success put Rolf in a tailspin that lasted several years. He was too proud to admit failure and return to Germany.
In retrospect, Rolf looks upon this period as one continuing crisis. His first marriage followed a gradual move to succeed in his business career, with none of his goals within reach. By the time he turned thirty years old he started to realize that he was running out of time. Again he started to make plans to return to Germany and spent several months interviewing potential employers. He received one offer from an Insurance Company in Stuttgart, which Rolf seriously considered. The city by the Black Forest is beautiful and he would be working for an American educated Executive, with whom he had developed an immediate rapport.
While in the process of planning his move in early 1972 Rolf received a phone call from a head hunter in New York with an offer to work for an international insurance company. Suddenly the world had opened up. He flew to Germany to decline the job offer and accepted the International position.
Rolf started to travel heavily and ultimately was assigned to live in Singapore for several years. Within a matter of a few years he had achieved all his goals and by the time he turned 39 he felt a big let-down. Still travelling all over the world he started to tire, his marriage was crumbling. He had two children and was at a loss as to what to do.
The promise of a high level executive position if he returned from his overseas assignment was rescinded after moving back and Rolf again found himself in Turmoil.
Rolf had an open job offer in the Philippines and he started to seriously consider moving there after his divorce became final. He loved that country and had had a long term relationship with a woman in Makati.
He had changed careers and worked as a systems consultant on what was the epic break-up of AT&T. It was here that he met a woman he fell in love with, Patricia; who would ultimately become his wife.
Rolf never had been seriously ill or had any type of childhood disease. In fact he had a distinct dislike of the medical profession as a whole and had seen a doctor only rarely for a check-up, when pressed to do so by his wife. Ironically his first father in law had been a doctor; and Rolf was very fond of the man, but refused to even see him for regular check-ups. So it was only natural that Rolf ignored early symptom of a condition that almost took his life in 2007. The many years of heavy drinking in his youth and during the travel years had taken his toll. Rolf had developed cirrhosis.
He decided to fight. He never had another drink and started to get better rapidly under the care of one of the most respected physicians in the field. To the point, that Rolf's life expectancy is virtually normal. In fact the continued monitoring and preventive care he receives probably will extend his life further.
Rolf had seen death in his early childhood and never really given any thought to the end of his life. He felt he had lived a rich life and now was happy and stable in his relationship with his wife, who had stood by him through some tough years and his illness.
Her deep devotion and love certainly has been a major factor for Rolf to deal with these issues.
Now Rolf will try to look at himself, his feelings, sort out the memories and try to put into perspective the emotions that cover a seventysevem year span.
Rolf had a horrible childhood as a result of having lived through the war. There are no good memories at all. The gradual improvement in his living condition during adolescence and the teens let him become part of the rapid recovery of Germany from the war. His family had been well off, he had all the freedom he wanted and had early sexual experiences that would shape his life. He set his goals high and would not let anything or anybody interfere with the path that he had planned for himself. His single minded approach to meeting his goals would lead to profound turmoil in Rolf's life over the next twenty-five years.
The first crisis of his life started just after his 20th birthday, when his plans to leave Germany for the US were the cause for the breakup of his relationship with a woman he deeply loved. That followed the breakdown of his relationship with his mother, who, along with his stepfather, was strongly opposed to his leaving. By the time he boarded the ship, Rolf was essentially depressed and not sure anymore of the direction his life was taking.
His arrival in the US in the midst of a recession and the height of the cold war soon put a damper on all the plans he had made. His inability to get going and have any type of success put Rolf in a tailspin that lasted several years. He was too proud to admit failure and return to Germany.
In retrospect, Rolf looks upon this period as one continuing crisis. His first marriage followed a gradual move to succeed in his business career, with none of his goals within reach. By the time he turned thirty years old he started to realize that he was running out of time. Again he started to make plans to return to Germany and spent several months interviewing potential employers. He received one offer from an Insurance Company in Stuttgart, which Rolf seriously considered. The city by the Black Forest is beautiful and he would be working for an American educated Executive, with whom he had developed an immediate rapport.
While in the process of planning his move in early 1972 Rolf received a phone call from a head hunter in New York with an offer to work for an international insurance company. Suddenly the world had opened up. He flew to Germany to decline the job offer and accepted the International position.
Rolf started to travel heavily and ultimately was assigned to live in Singapore for several years. Within a matter of a few years he had achieved all his goals and by the time he turned 39 he felt a big let-down. Still travelling all over the world he started to tire, his marriage was crumbling. He had two children and was at a loss as to what to do.
The promise of a high level executive position if he returned from his overseas assignment was rescinded after moving back and Rolf again found himself in Turmoil.
Rolf had an open job offer in the Philippines and he started to seriously consider moving there after his divorce became final. He loved that country and had had a long term relationship with a woman in Makati.
He had changed careers and worked as a systems consultant on what was the epic break-up of AT&T. It was here that he met a woman he fell in love with, Patricia; who would ultimately become his wife.
Rolf never had been seriously ill or had any type of childhood disease. In fact he had a distinct dislike of the medical profession as a whole and had seen a doctor only rarely for a check-up, when pressed to do so by his wife. Ironically his first father in law had been a doctor; and Rolf was very fond of the man, but refused to even see him for regular check-ups. So it was only natural that Rolf ignored early symptom of a condition that almost took his life in 2007. The many years of heavy drinking in his youth and during the travel years had taken his toll. Rolf had developed cirrhosis.
He decided to fight. He never had another drink and started to get better rapidly under the care of one of the most respected physicians in the field. To the point, that Rolf's life expectancy is virtually normal. In fact the continued monitoring and preventive care he receives probably will extend his life further.
Rolf had seen death in his early childhood and never really given any thought to the end of his life. He felt he had lived a rich life and now was happy and stable in his relationship with his wife, who had stood by him through some tough years and his illness.
Her deep devotion and love certainly has been a major factor for Rolf to deal with these issues.
Now Rolf will try to look at himself, his feelings, sort out the memories and try to put into perspective the emotions that cover a seventysevem year span.
A Look At My Life
By
Rolf D. Schmidt
IN PROCESS IN PROCESS IN PROCESS IN PROCESS IN PROCESS
The Defining Day
Shortly after our return from Berlin in November 2006, Patricia went to visit her daughter in New Jersey. It had been her first visit to the city of my birth. I was left alone and was restless. I could not sleep, my mind was racing, the memories were coming back, powerful and overwhelming. I felt like I had been hit by a brick. I had a hard time dealing with this. Never before in my life had I been in such a state of upheaval. All the things I had put into the back of mind and refused to face for all my life opened up and came back. From the first memories in war-time Berlin, being bombed, the bunker years, the terror, nightmares, hunger, death, and the rough years after the war. Also memories of the good times and my first big love, the alienation with my mother, the wall and the life under the daily threat of a Russian take-over in Berlin. It was an unexpected and powerful experience.
I had been in the city many times after my migration, but had always shied away from confronting those issues. Now I had no choice. The process has shaped my life over the past five years and will continue to do so until I take my last breath.
By the time Patricia returned, I had put together the beginning of a scrapbook with a basic story of recollections. She realized that this was important to me and helped to format all the picture and information into what would become the first document of my life. Many tears were shed during the process. It served as a basis for a website, which would detail my life story.
While in the process of writing the different chapters it became obvious to me that I needed to look at the decisions I had made over the course of my life and determine if at any time I had chosen the wrong path.